Brian Junyor The Blog

How to find a Arkansassian (or Texan)

--You're An EXTREME Redneck (ok so a citizen of Ar-Kansas or Texas) When.....

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.  
2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. 
4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean. 
6. Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, guys, watch this."  
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
9. Your junior prom offered day care.
10. You think the last words of the "Star-Spangled Banner" are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels. 
12. The Halloween Pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse. 
13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.  
14. One of your kids was born on a pool table. 
15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.  
16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it. 
17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. 

And Finally: An East Texas couple, both real-live rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed". The doctor asked them why, after nine children would they choose to do this. The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in North America was Mexican and they didn't want a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish. 

Toilet Cleaning Instructions

This was sent to me by a fellow conveyor of electric locomotives. We always knew there must be something good to do with the feline family as a whole...

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and "rinse".
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.