Brian Junyor

Some MR T comments

AFTER EATING FOUR RAW STEAKS, MR. T TOOK THE BIGGEST CRAP OF HIS LIFE. THE CRAP WAS SO VILE, THAT IT GREW LEGS AND ROUNDHOUSE KICKED ITSELF OUT OF THE TOLIET. MR T. WAS SO IMPRESSED HE NAMED IT CHUCK NORRIS.

Mr. T is in such great shape that he drinks radioactive waste and piss out Propel Fitness Water.

Mr. T once ate the whole 48 ounce steak in Myrtle Beach right after he ate a cow, he just wanted the T-shirt.

Mr. T has been proven to be the son of Hercules and Helen Keller. This both explains why there is nothing of this world that can stand before his awesome power, and his seemingly endless pity for the fools.

Mr. T once ate four 72 oz. steaks in 12 minutes. He spent the first 5 minutes laughing at the fact it takes Chuck Norris fifteen minutes to eat three.

Mr. T is God. Proof? The sign of the cross is actually a lower case ‘t’, because signing a capital ‘T’ is considered disrespectful.

After Jesus turned water into wine, Mr. T turned that wine into blood and disappeared in a cloud of smoke. When the smoke settled all that remained was a giant wooden “T” and Jesus knew he was in trouble.

Mr. T was once invited as a guest star on the tv show “American Gladiators.” After having sex with all the female gladiators, he beat all the male ones in the joust competition by simply standing on the platform and pitying them. Afterwards the losers explained the pain as unbearable.

Mr. T’s hand-to-hand combat, not the atomic bomb as many are led to believe, single-handedly won WWII.

Mr. T’s genitals glow in the dark.

Rumour has it that Mr. T was Mel Gibsons first choice to play Jesus in The Passion of the Christ. However, Bible belt lobbyists complained when a draft script showed Jesus’s dying words to be “Dear Father, take pity on these fools, they know not what they do”

On a visit to Cuba, Fidel Castro tried to make Mr. T remove his gold. The swiftest backhand to date followed. Americans know this event as Hurricane Katrina. Or as Mr. T calls it, Hurricane Mr. T.

Mr. T killed Tupac over a bag of Cheetos.

Mr. T’s pity powers Indiana and most of northern Illinois. It also causes AIDS, still births and the gout, but only when he takes off his pity-shielding gold chains.

Since he is immortal, Mr. T has over a thousand children from almost as many women. Though he won’t speak about it, many believe Mr. T killed the dinosaurs in a fit of rage after a brontosaurus interrupted his nap.

What scientists thought was natural selection is actually only the continued survival of animals Mr. T has found too chewy to eat.

Mr. T may pity fools, but he has no love for Scientologists.

The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that Mr. T’s neck was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox.

The reason Mr. T is only known as Mr. T is because the one time his full name was enunciated, a darkness swept across the land and killed all crops and domestic animals, causing a great famine. The speaker, whose tongue swelled and choked him, was cremated. His ashes were then cast into a vulcano, together with all the people who had handled the corpse.

The reason Mr. T is only known as Mr. T is because the one time his full name was enunciated, a darkness swept across the land and killed all crops and domestic animals, causing a great famine. The speaker, whose tongue swelled and choked him, was cremated. His ashes were then cast into a vulcano, together with all the people who had handled the corpse.

God needed someone to kick-and subsequently toss-the devil’s sorry ass out of heaven so he took a rib from a lion, the scalp from a hyena and the balls from a buffalo and created Mr. T. God then sent Mr. T to Earth to “pity the fools”, but not in the nice way.

When Mr. T drinks coffee, he doesn’t get hyper, the coffee gets depressed.

Mr. T’s blood has been used to create synthetic cures for a number of diseases, including tuberculosis, smallpox, and Caucasian.

Steven Hawking was paralysed after Mr. T pitied him so hard he was hurled through the air and crashed into an orphanage, killing 50.

Mr. T beat Balboa so bad in Rocky 3, that Jackie Stallone feared for her own life. She has since had reconstrutive surgery for fear of being pitied, and as such looks like a hybrid mixture of Vin Diesel & Chuck Norris. It has saved her life thus far.

Saddam Hussein wasn’t really hiding in an underground cave, Mr. T just got mad and punched him 6 feet under the earth.

When Mr. T gave Conan O’Brien his special anniversary gift, a golden necklace in the shape of a 7, it was not that Conan had only been funny for 7 years, it was that Conan has 7 years left to live.

Mr. T somehow has managed to use a Ti-83 graphing calculator as a full-fledged cell phone, complete with text messaging, email, video recording, and hamburger grill.

Mr. T once stated that he “doesn’t wail on sissy boys.” This led to the pink polo shirts with popped collars craze. Little do those pitiful fools know that Mr. T was just making it easier to find sissy boys to wail on.

Mr. T was nearly drawn into a radical Islamic cult but he refused to join once he heard that he would have to settle for only 72 virgins.

The original title to Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War” was “How to Avoid Getting Open-Hand Smacked by Mr. T”. The publishers did not like how blunt and to-the-point this title was, so they made Sun Tzu change it.

One time Mr. T had to fight Darth Vader. Vader started choking Mr. T with the force, but it didn’t work because Mr. T is the only person in the universe who is blacker than Darth Vader. Instead, the pure soul of Mr. T reversed the effect of the choking and out of thin air, real gold began materializing. This is how Mr. T got all his bling.

Mr. T was originally planned to play the lead role in Knight Rider, but David Hasselhoff didn’t like riding around on Mr. T’s back as Mr. T often broke the speed of sound permanently damaging Mr. Hasselhoff’s hearing. This explains why David Hasselhoff sings like he does.

It has been noted that ninjas are only afraid of pirates and ghosts. Their obvious fear of Mr.T goes without saying.

Mr. T was once brought in to control a party that got out of hand. The last party Mr. T had to ‘control’ was the Nazi’s in 1945.

Mr. T once appeared on the show, Fear Factor, not as a contestant, but as a stunt. There were no winners and 6 deaths on the show that day. Mr. T has not been invited back.

Mr. T was really the one responsible for the end of the Cold War. President Reagan sent him over to Russia and upon entering, had so much crunk around his neck, completely destroyed the standard value of gold for those Commie sons of bitches.

Mr. T was Marco Polo’s first mate. When they docked at Beijing in 1266, Mr. T stepped off the boat first to make sure everything was copacetic, and the sun reflected off his gold chains so bad it almost blinded all the Chinese people, and as a result they are still squinting to this day.

When Mr. T says “candyman” into a mirror at night, candyman comes, with 5 chocolate chip cookies and a glass of 2 percent milk.